Good evening friends!
So, camp is fully under way and it is wonderful! I must admit, I can't seem to get enough sleep and my body is sore and tired, but, it doesn't matter. When I see the smiling faces of my girls as they walk into the gym, it's all worth it. I truly love my job =)
While my job is wonderful, I have so much to look forward to...and honestly, it's really hard to be content where I am right now. I have some amazing friends on campus that I can't wait to hang out with at the end of the day that sometimes I wish that time would go faster so I could get to that. I am so looking forward to working at my camp in Vermont that I sometimes wish I could be up there instead of down here. My apartment for next year is filled with some of my best friends. I find myself wishing the summer away sometimes and just wanting the school year to be here.
Now, I'm not saying that I don't like any of the things that I just talked about. I love working basketball camp, and I by no means want to waste my summer and wish it away. However, I am having a really hard time living in the present right now. I find myself so looking forward to whats to come and not being content where I am. It's a problem. And to be quite honest, I really don't know how to handle that one. I want to be in the present, but a big part of life right now is about looking forward. I should be looking for an internship and a job for after school ends. I should be thinking about taking GRE's and applying for masters programs for next year, not to mention that everyone is asking what I want to do with my life...and my answer is a big fat "I don't know". It's really hard right now and I don't like it!
Trying to find that balance right now between living in the present and trying to figure out the future is not easy, and quite frankly is one of my biggest struggles right now. Any and all prayers would be greatly appreciated!!!
Thanks for listening! You guys are the best! =)
Love,
L
Hi Laura!
ReplyDeleteI saw you post this on facebook and the theme of "struggling to live in the present" is a very familiar one in my life too! When I was going through a rough, unsure stage in my life, which I believe we chatted about the last time we saw eachother, those feelings of wishing my life away were at its worst, but I think it was because I was unhappy with certain aspects of my life at the time. You, however, just have so many good, exciting things going on in your life and your looking forward to enjoying them all, though it's impossible to do it all at the same time unfortunately. Still, whether you feel like you're rushing things because you're happy or unhappy, I think it is so important to find a balance and live every day as a new gift from God. Of course, it's easier said then done, especially at this point in our lives because everything is so unsettled, things change every three and a half months when the semester ends, and we're always on the move. We're taught by, I guess society, that we constantly need to be thinking about how we can become better, more successful, more this, more that. It's hard to just embrace what you are right now!
Thankfully, for me things have gotten progressivley better, and the last few months have probably been the best, but I still definitely get anxious about the future. I guess it's natural. What's great is that you are aware of this struggle, and by being aware you can catch yourself when you start feeling that way and tell yourself to just live in the moment. Maybe it's kind of like training yourself to live in the moment, because when you think about it, for years we've been trained to think, "what's next," and "more, more, more, go, go, go." It's good to dream, so good to hope, and so good to strive, but we truly can't forget to appreciate the blessings right infront of us at the present time. One day they might not be there, and none of us wants to realize what we had when it's gone.
When I find myself feeling anxious or wanting time to go by, I remind myself that I want to be a person that puts her heart into everything she does. When I remind myself of that, I am able to throw those feeling out the window and focus a bit better on what I am doing at the present time. So just always go back to the heart. It always helps me! Also, being the change you want to see in the world, which is a huge thing, but it's something you can do every day by waking up and asking yourself just that..."what can I do today to be the change I want to see in the world?" If you want to see more kindness and love in the world, then be that by showing kindness and love to everyone you interact with. If it's being greener, then ride your bike around, always drink water from a reusable water canteen, or go vegetarian. If it's being a better friend, then get in touch with your friends often and genuinely take interest in their lives and stop making things about you, sticking with them through thick and thin. I know that you already do these things because you're such a kind person, Laura, but I'm just trying to give some examples. I hope I'm making sense!
Anyways, to sum things up, I definitley can empathize with your struggle, and it's one that we constantly need to be aware of and continue to work to overcome. You're not alone and I believe God is the best to turn to in times like these. He always seems to find a way to put things in your life that help you through your struggles. Life is good and we'll get to where we need to go when we're supposed to get there as long as we're keeping the faith and acting on it, so we might as well enjoy the ride! =)
Elena